The word "plumber" comes from the Latin word
plumbum meaning "lead", since pipes in Roman times were actually
made of lead.
The word for plumber in Yiddish is "bill em!"
I thought that it would be very important for you to know
that...because this past week was a week to bond with plumbers,
water softener technicians, electricians, pool contractors, geese,
lions and bears...oh my!!!
When I left you last I was going to tell you about last weekend,
however, the past week that I had, was far more interesting...
I took Monday off, after all its my new Shabbos.
Tuesday up at the club at 10am.
Ladies day..can't have brown water and no air conditioning.
First thing I do is head for the hot water taps in the
bathrooms...yep...still brown. I call Frank's Coil Service. "Frank,
this is the GSYC and the friggen water is still brown." Frank says
"Let the water run for an hour and call me back." This is just short
of telling me to take 2 aspirin and call him in the morning.
(I already took the aspirin.)
The water clears up somewhat and I call Frank
back. "Frank the water is clearer, not clear but clearer." He says
"That's a good sign". I can't wait for this. "OK, why is this good?"
"Well it's clearing out the minerals. All will be good tomorrow when
our water softener guy shows up." I say "your water softener guy?"
and he replies "Yes..thats another division of ours."
KAA-Ching!!! I'm talking to a mogul who has
divisions..
I think that all of these plumbing guys are
inbred.
Ladies are starting to show up. Got to go.
I then go down to the pool. I wake our life guard up, as the only
thing in the pool was a squirrel doing laps..
I say goodby and see you later when I will
be back for the movie (I don't play Bridge)
Wednesday
Early in the morning I get a call from Gabe Torok. I had, some weeks
ago, asked Gabe & Don Buck to get our sound system in the clubhouse
straightened out. Over the years things have been added and people
have screwed with it and it was a mess. Gabe.."Alan, I'm sitting
home and going nuts." Gabe had cut his leg shaving and was laid up.
"OK..be at the club at 11am and I will call Donnie." Donnie agrees.
Now I'm really happy. Reason being that the water softener guy told
me that he would be there between 10 and 1. Now I was going to have
company because I knew this guy would show at 12:55. Donnie and Gabe
show right on time and I was there at 9:30am. Why you ask, because I
have a paranoria that if I get there at 11, I will surely find a
note hanging from the door from the water softener guy, saying I was
here and you weren't. See you tomorrow..
By the way..the water is brown again..but now
I know better.."it's a good sign." I looked it up, that phrase is in
Chapter 1 of the "How to be a Plumber Handbook."
Right next to "We take cash, visa or master
card"
Gabe goes into the box that contains our sound system. He and Donnie
are talking about woofers, and tweeters (only tweeter I know is
still doing laps in the pool) Gabe says.."OK what do you want to
keep?" Donnie says "We want to keep everything." Gabe asks "Why?"
Donnie says "SO". Here we go again. All these guys love to say "SO."
OK. Gabe says let's make a list of what we want to do...KA-Ching..I
forgot that I was dealing with Gabe.
We make a list and Gabe gets started. The water softener guy shows
at noon. He goes down, looks at our furnace room and asks me and
Bucky "What's all this crap in here? What valve works what?" Bucky
and I look at each other..what valve works what? Beats the crap out
of us. "I know your problem..the valves are shut and the water
softener is being by passed." Bucky and I look at each other and I
say, very, very professionally..."OK..now what".
He says "I have to make a call." Now I'm concerned..he needs a 2nd
opinion..KAAA-Ching.
He comes back after his call and says "I have to do a diagnostic."
Ka-Ching!! He tells Bucky & I to be very, very quiet and then puts
on his Dr. Jeff Katz gloves (after all he's doing a diagnostic) and
starts feeling the pipes and turning valves and listening very
carefully to the pipes. All I could think of is Jeff Katz is holding
my you know what , telling me to be quiet before starting to feel
here and there and me praying..."please don't sneeze." I know Bucky
felt the same way.
He turns valves here and there and says ok
fixed.
Only problem..in the kitchen we have hot
water coming out of the cold water tap and vice versa.
He says "Wasn't me!!" That's also in Chapter
1 of the How to be a Plumber's Handbook.
Just then Ka-Ching Ted appears. You remember
Ka-Ching Ted..he is our plumber and air
conditioning guy. He is there to replace the hardware in the men's
bathroom (which I had told you about previously) and to fix the
ladies shower. He comes in and the water softener guy greets him
like a long lost uncle.
(I told you that they are inbred)
They commisserate about the fact that our
system is a Rube Goldberg set up and ridiculous. It's also 21 years
old. They are going back and forth "that valve is for intravenous,
that for evacuation (Which at that moment Bucky & I wanted to do),
that for cold." I'm wilting here and I know Bucky wants to leave but
groveling keeps him around to support me. After all, there are now 3
plumbers to contend with.
And they were all carrying the handbook,
which was attached to their billing pad.
(Chapter 1A)
Water Softener guy leaves. I tell Ka-Ching Ted that the hot water in
the kitchen, etc. etc. He says, ok but "Hank, don't leave, I need
you to approve all the hardware." I say "My name isn't Hank it's
Alan...see ya" He says "No! I know you sign the checks." I say "No
that's Bob..I'll call him." He says "Ok..I know that you make the
decisions".
Trapped!!!
Gabe had left to search the
internet for all the equipment he will need to fix our sound system...KAAA-Ching
Ka-Ching Ted goes into the men's locker room
with his son..(I told you that they are inbred) to work on the
showers. I told him the story of Eli and his blow torch (He knows
Eli) and he is on the floor laughing. Then he gets up and pulls out
his sawz-all to cut off what Eli wanted to burn off.
(One is a moyel and the other is the devil)
He had shut off all the water to the
club...in fear.
Well, it turns out that all of the guts are
rusted and needed to be replaced. Probably we have averted a
calamity. Bucky says " I'm out of here." I tell Ka-Ching Ted that he
doesn't need me anymore and he says "OK..Hank, see ya." I didn't
correct him.
Thursday
Water is correct in the kitchen, the new
hardware is perfect and the water is all clear as the water softener
is working, the chemicals are working and the brown crap has cleared
out.
Remember..it was only the hot water that was
effected. And I don't know why (and I really don't want to know
why). The cold water is fine!!! But here is the kicker, our cold
water has NEVER gone thru the water softener. Go figure!!! So when
you take a shower at the club, 1/2 the water is hard and 1/2 isn't.
Ironic..just like the guy's in our club.
Coming Attractions
Friday's meeting with "SO" Hank, electricians
and our pool contractor at 7AM
You have just received 3 working days
"In the Life of the Commodore"
Alan Karpas
Commodore
