GSYC

Alan Karpas "The Civilian"

"Sir: When the Military is through with you, we make you a civilian."

actual quote from First Sgt. (Top) John Lawson, Charlie Company 4th Battalion 10th Infantry

Ft. William D. Davis Canal Zone

October 1964

Definition of a civilian:

"In times of armed conflict, a civilian is any person who is not a combatant"

Being Commodore of the GSYC is absolutely armed conflict

"What do you mean it's fishbowl seating!!"

Get the Picture?

When I told Len Felzenberg that I was now a citizen he said "No, you are a civilian". I then checked the definition which I have quoted above and - yes he is right. I am no longer a combatant. I am a civilian.

Therefore, I am now reporting from my new position as a civilian and a veteran of the GSYC Campaigns.

However, I must report on my final days of being the Commodore.

Trust me its a beaut...

My last official event...New Years Eve

On the Friday prior to New Year's, Margie and I met Jean Ellen at the club to start decorating. After spending an inordinate amount of time trying to find appropriate decorations in the decorating closet, we decided that we couldn't use the signs that read "2000 & 2003" and that we would need to purchase some new decorations.

We did find some signs that said "Happy New" - but couldn't find the rest of it.

(Why do we keep this crap?)

Margie & I came up to the club early Sunday afternoon to finish decorating. Margie had showered prior but had decided she would dress at the club.

My plan was to shower and dress at the club after we decorated.

We arrive at the club at 5PM. The first order of action was to get the heat up, decorate, set up the fire place, and decorate. Oh, and get the hot water going in the locker rooms.

So I go into the locker rooms to check to see if there is hot water. No there isn't. But, I know how to fix that, as I have become a plumbing expert from this past summer. So I get the hot water going and now I have to get the heat going.

Trust me it's cold down there, I checked the thermostat..it was 48 degree's.

The thermostat is on and set for 70 and is set for heat and it's not on..

Uh Oh..trouble in river city

I go upstairs and Margie says, "have you put the heat on in the locker rooms?".

"well not exactly" " what do you mean not exactly?"

"I have to call Hank."

I call Hank...Frantic, because if there is no heat in the locker rooms, Margie will not be a happy camper and guess who will take the brunt of that?

"Hank...there is no heat in the locker rooms and don't you dare say So!!" Hank replies "SOOOO..." Well I have Margie here who needs heat in the locker room to dress and I will blame you." Hank replies.."OK..did you try this that and the other?" and my reply was "Yes!!!"

Hank, "well I don't know whats wrong. You're screwed"

"SHIT!!!"

I very deftly approach Margie and she asks

"Have you figured out how to get the heat in the locker room yet?"

Notice she didn't say locker rooms, as she no longer cares if I have heat.

My diplomatic response

"It will be fine. You know that you're always throwing off the covers at night because it's too warm. This will be just fine."

Her reply is an endearment which I won't repeat.

"It's 48 degrees down there. I checked myself!"

"Dress in the kitchen, it's warm there."

More endearments

"Well, it's time for me to go shower and dress."

OK everyone, here I am, all alone in the 48 degree locker room. I start the shower so as to bring up the hot water and I strip. Immediately I wrap the towel around me as if it were a blanket. Doesn't work, major shrinkage has set in. I run to the shower room and put the lights on. No lights in the shower room. Here I am bollicky bare and no way am I going to go out to the store room, nude, and try and find a circuit breaker that works the shower room.

Oh, well.

I left my soap in my locker...back out (with no blanket) my knees were never so good. I was a flash as I ran back to the shower. Nice hot water. I didn't want to leave.

OK..Time is up. I get out of the shower. Do you know how fast a wet guy can get dry and into a tuxedo shirt and tuxedo in 48 degree temperature?

Somebody notify Guinness

I am now dressed and go upstairs.

Margie gives me - the look - "I'm going down to dress."

With my recent experience inbedded in my memory I am contemplating taking the manly way out...

going home.

Margie comes up, all dressed and smiling (There are other people there now).

She even calls me sweetheart. Now I know that I am in deep doo doo.

However, it turns out that she was ok.

(I think)

The rest is history.

The night was wonderful, everyone had a great time, and the last people left at 2AM.

And now it is Jack's turn. He has one full year until we make him a civilian.

I have promised Jack that I will continue to work with Hank, Steve and Gabe to maintain and upgrade the facilities and property.

I am also committed to dealing with those terrorist birds.

We will not negotiate with them. We will send more troops to the docks.

I'll buy three more coyotes, even though we have no money in the budget for this.

If this doesn't work I will buy even more coyotes to send to the docks

(hmmm..I seem to recognize this strategy...I might want to rethink it)

More to follow in the life of a GSYC Civilian

Alan Karpas

Civilian